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Life After Leaven w/ Tamice Spencer-Helms
As a follow up to her debut book, Faith Unleavened: The Wilderness Between Trayvon Martin & George Floyd, Tamice Spencer-Helms is joined by folx from all walks of life and society to talk about picking up the shattered fragments of a faith we used to know. Life After Leaven is a podcast for those seeking to heal from the damage caused by toxic Christianity and rebuild something new and life giving in its place.
Life After Leaven w/ Tamice Spencer-Helms
The Courage to Heal with Emily Roh
Embarking on a transformative journey requires a guide who embodies wisdom and compassion, something Emily Rowe, the founder of Invisible Napsack, brings in abundance. Our heartfelt conversation traverses her poignant shift from education to coaching amidst the whirlwind of 2020, fostering a space where growth and liberation intertwine. Inspired by her heritage and the enlightening works of feminist Peggy McIntosh, Emily delves deep into the essence of somatic coaching, offering a beacon of resilience for those daring to chase their true calling.
As your host, Tamee Spencer Helms, I open up about my personal voyage through decolonized spirituality, and the grounding effects of connecting with my ancestry. This grounding journey has reshaped my life, revealing the stark contrasts and unique synergies between somatic coaching and traditional therapy. By shedding light on the cyclical path of self-evolution, this episode promises to be a tapestry of stories and insights, celebrating the resilience of individuals who embrace their inner diversity and strive for harmony within.
The narrative culminates with an intimate exploration of Internal Family Systems Coaching, where Emily and I honor the multitudes each of us carries. Guests are privy to the rich conversations about the healing power of acknowledging and integrating the various parts of our egos. Embracing our wholeness, we reflect on the journey of healing and the connections that lead us to a deeper understanding of self. Through this episode, I extend my deepest gratitude for the growth I've witnessed and invite listeners to draw inspiration from the transformative potential that lies within Emily's coaching philosophy.
Life After Leaven is sponsored by Sub:Culture Incorporated, a 501c3 committed to eradicating cultural, social, spiritual, financial, and academic barriers for Black College Students. If you are interested in giving a tax deductible donation toward our work with black college students, you can do that here. Thank you for helping us ensure temporary roadblocks don't become permanent dead ends for students with marginalized identities. You can follow us on Instagram: @subc_incorporated, Facebook: facebook.com/subcultureinco, and Twitter: @subcultureinco1.
Our episodes are written and produced by Tamice Namae Speaks LLC.
Don’t miss out on what Tamice has planned next! Follow her on Instagram and Twitter, or subscribe to her Patreon page.
What's up everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Life After Levin. I'm your host, tamee Spencer Helms, and y'all don't know, but I know you're about to find out. I'm joined this week by the one and only Emily Rowe. This is my somatic coach y'all. This is the one I've been telling y'all about on all my TikToks and stuff. I finally was able to convince Emily to come on the show because if you could get what I'm getting, you would be glad. So, emily, welcome and thanks for doing this. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you for having me. I'm honored to be here.
Speaker 1:I'm so excited to jump in and talk to you. I feel like one of the things I'm wanting to do this season, with this particular season, is introduce people to my world and introduce people to either heroes or people who just made a significant impact in my life. And I had to have you because I have to explain how I found you and then I would love for you to jump into what you're doing at Invisible Napsack. But I found you on Dr Cleveland's website. So we just had Dr Cleveland ona couple of weeks ago and there was some sort of cohort or something that she was doing and she had this sort of pricing breakdown and I went down, I read the pricing breakdown and never seen anything like it. It was so thoughtful and thorough. And then you know, obviously because she's dope, she left the credit there. So it tags you and it says you know, this comes from Emily Rowe.
Speaker 1:So I'm like, well, let me find out who created this. I want to know the person whose brain this came from. So I went to your site and find out you're a coach, a somatic coach, and this was about, I guess, what was that like a year or so ago, a little over a year ago where I found you and I just feel like I'm a different person and we'll get into that. But I would love for everybody to know who you are kind of. What is your background? What kind of space do you occupy in the world these days?
Speaker 2:Oh, my oh, that's such a big question. So yeah, it's so nice to be here. I'm so excited to be here. Where am I? I currently live in the Los Angeles area. I am sorry, can I back up? Can you just edit out parts that messed up?
Speaker 1:It's like, yeah, it's actually helpful if you tell me to, because I can write it down and go straight to it. We're good.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I identify as a embodied, liberate laboratory coach, meaning that, you know, the embodied really speaks to the somatic piece. I help people reconnect with themselves through their bodies and then coaching. I am an ICF certified coach. I reside in the ancestral lands, the unceded lands of the Tongva Keach people, more commonly known as Los Angeles. I'm a mother, a partner. What else about me? I am the daughter of Korean immigrants. I am, you know, just a complex human being, here to try to help people, guide people towards liberation and, you know, in search of it myself.
Speaker 1:So you have a business called Invisible Napsack and I'd love to hear how you got there. Was it something that was kind of? Was it a? I just want to know the story Like how did you even start Invisible Napsack? Where did it come from?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so my Invisible Napsack is actually a name taken by taken from a famous essay, a famous feminist essay written, I want to say, in the early 80s by Peggy McIntosh. It's called Unpacking my Invisible Napsack. So the whole article is about her, as a white woman, like realizing I care around all these privileges that I didn't even know about and just recognizing and naming them. When I started my business, I was originally focused on supporting. Actually, let me backtrack for a second here. So I used to work in education space more like, you know, colleges and universities and then I did some college access work in the K-12 space, and then I found out I was getting laid off the same week that George Floyd was murdered.
Speaker 2:So I remember very clearly last week of May 2020, you know just the upheaval in my life and in the world and I was so upset and, even though I was like crying and in all my feelings, I had this sense, this intuitive, knowing that like one day I'm going to look back on my life and say like, wow, if this didn't happen, I want to be where I am today.
Speaker 2:So, even though I was super sad, there was a sense of like there was a greater hand, a greater purpose in this really painful experience, and coaching was something that I'd always wanted to try. I felt a calling towards, but it like, it's risky, it feels scary, you know starting my own business, but during that year of the pandemic it really afforded me an opportunity to, you know, do it while still being supported. Right, Because, you know, because I was laid off, I was able to collect unemployment, so I had like some financial support to do this thing. I would have never done it. My partner was fully on board. He was so supportive and he was like go do it you know, go do it.
Speaker 2:And so, yeah, that's that's when I started my business. I never wanted to be an entrepreneur, right? That was never a life goal for myself, and I had to learn so much of how to like navigate the system that we're in. But, yeah, when I started my business, I called my business my invisible nevus app, because originally at the time, I was like, you know, I see all these white people in crisis, let me help them. Right, let me try to help them, and so that's where the name came from. But, you know, after I did that work, I just realized that, just, it was taking such a huge toll on me to do that work, and so I've shifted away and now I primarily focus on black indigenous people of color leaders, change makers such as yourself, diy practitioners and really supporting them and, you know, surviving the late stage capitalist health scape we all find ourselves in, right?
Speaker 1:Indy. Yeah, my gosh, wow. I'm wondering about this because I'm thinking about all of the ways that so many of us around George, where we're like maybe it's backing up a little bit from white folks. I remember me like trying to do a lot of work and feeling like it was taking a toll, and it just was not the same type of work.
Speaker 1:It was work nonetheless, but it just wasn't the same type and I feel like the way that you do what you do, you've embodied these principles. You've embodied sort of anti racism and holding space. Like every time I have a coaching session with you, it's like I don't have to ask questions about what you value. It just comes through, and even in the questions you ask or the things that you don't say, and so I just really appreciate people who are like kind of censoring folks who have typically been on the margins and censoring the health of people who are out here trying to fight against all of this capitalism and all of this whiteness and all of this mess called the world.
Speaker 1:I'm wondering, like, in terms of a spiritual so obviously, life After Levin is a podcast that is about what we do with this, like all of the broken fragments of a faith that we once had. What do we do as we pick up these pieces, as we're trying to rebuild something that is sustaining and life giving and connected to something outside of ourselves? I know that a lot of folks are asking those questions, so could you give us a little bit about your religious history or your spiritual history, that type of stuff. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:So I was born into a, like I said, an immigrant Korean household. My grandmother converted to Christianity when she came here and then, by extension, then converted my entire, her entire family, my mother's whole family, and then my mom converted my dad after they got married. So, yeah, you know, but you know it was really interesting because the Christianity was all about reinforcing, like culture, korean culture and Korean Confucian ideals. So the things they emphasized, really emphasized, like the things that aligned with Confucianism, right.
Speaker 2:So, like you, know the story of Ruth right In the Old Testament, how she, you know, her husband dies and she follows her mother-in-law and like serves her mother-in-law and all this stuff Like that was really emphasized. Because that's something that's like again really emphasized within the traditional Confucian context. You know, when a woman marries, you're supposed to join your husband's family, you're forever part of that family and you're supposed to serve that family for the rest of your life. So in the Confucian context that was considered like she was like an ideal woman, right. So that story would kind of be told as like an upholding of, like the culture. So for me growing up, you know the culture and the religion were like this. They were like completely intertwined and it was really hard for me to tease apart what was what Right, and you know it was a lot of dogmas, a lot of doctrine. There was a lot about obedience, right. So especially as a young girl, right, in terms of like the hierarchy of culture, I was very much, you know, on the bottom.
Speaker 2:So my role was about serving and obeying and if you know me you realize very quickly that's not what I'm about. So, you know, in my teenage years, you know I was in a massive identity crisis. I grew up in a pretty like white, like predominantly white area of Los Angeles. So even though we went to church, like it was like an hour away, you know, maybe multiple times a week during the weekday which to me blows my mind as a parent now like driving an hour during the weekday to go to church, like I don't know how they did that, but yeah, they would drive and go multiple times a week. And as I got older, you know I just really was absorbing, you know, all the white supremacy norms, right, about who I was and that I wasn't enough, that I wasn't worthy, that I needed to get, especially as an Asian American woman, as close to whiteness as possible to try to find that acceptance and sense of belonging.
Speaker 2:But it was always like out of reach, right, because I would never be enough Because, you know, I didn't come from the right ethnic background and whatnot, and so I had, like you know, I had really low self-esteem in high school, I would say. And so, like, I started, like because of that, I think, pulling away from the church and the culture Because, again, I couldn't separate the two right In high school. I would call myself a Twinkie or a Banana, so you know yellow on the outside, white on the inside, and I didn't even realize that was problematic, right Because?
Speaker 2:that's what it was like in the 90s for me.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, exactly right, coconut, we all have our respective terms that we use.
Speaker 2:So, you know, even though I grew up in a religious household I wouldn't say I grew up spiritual Like, right, like I remember closing my eyes and praying and being like I don't know what's going on, like I'm just saying these words in my head, Right, like you know, the church would, the youth pastor would preach having a personal relationship with God. I had no idea what that meant. Right, I was just following along, I was going to Bible, you know, summer camp and doing all those things, and yeah, so when I stepped away, you know it was, you know all about trying to, you know, find myself, and I think you know it wasn't until so, like, okay, so I stepped away from the church. I had an identity crisis. I went to college, I majored in Asian American studies, which completely rocked my world and it was so powerful for me because it was a really one, it was a real intellectual awakening. And then, two, it really helped me put my life in context in a way that I had never experienced before.
Speaker 2:Like you know, when I took the, history class, I was like, oh, I see my family for the first time reflected in what I'm studying. I understand how my family's immigration story fits into this larger arc of American history, of what was happening like geopolitically between the US and Asia. So it was, you know, and I got really upset, I got really angry, I was like, why did it take me until college to learn these things? And so, you know, ever since then my work has had an emphasis on social justice. You know, mostly within the education space I've like taught, I have done, like I said, supportive students in like LGBT centers, multicultural centers, that sort of work. But it wasn't until goodness, oh yes, I did a teaching fellowship in. I did a teaching fellowship in the boonies of Colorado, in a small tourist town in the right next to the Rocky Mountain National Park. I know you don't know these things about me.
Speaker 1:You're learning all sorts of things about me today.
Speaker 2:Oh no, no, no, no, I didn't know anyone there, right, it was a small alternative school. It was very diverse, but it was very remote and isolated and I was, you know, basically having anxiety attacks the entire time because I was just so overwhelmed and I was so disconnected from myself that I didn't even realize what was happening. I had a hard time naming what was happening. So I came back and like, when I came back, I just had to, like, process everything and that's when I found spirituality, I'll say, for the first time in my sort of like mid to late twenties, and I was like like there's a greater purpose to all this.
Speaker 2:There's like, how do I make meaning, how do I make sense of this, like, how do I connect to something greater than myself? So you know, that's when I started exploring Buddhism a little bit. I wouldn't call myself a Buddhist but I would say I'm very much, like informed by those, like values around compassion, and you know, that really helped me to get through a really rocky time and just sort of like the sense of like connectedness, like that these things are not happening in like isolation, in random, but like there's a sense of purpose, even when it's hard. There's a purpose to all this that maybe I don't fathom or understand right now. And that's when I've become, I think, a spiritual person and that's when I, you know, was able to see how religion and spirituality overlapped, kind of like a Venn diagram, like cause. I know religious people like I could recognize people who are having, who are spiritual within religion, but not all religious people are spiritual, right, right. And then, in terms of where I am now, like I'm really trying to explore what it means to decolonize my spirituality. What does it mean to decolonize?
Speaker 2:As an Asian American woman living on native land, and so I'm trying to understand how and I'm trying to connect with how my ancestors understood spirituality and trying to tap into that more.
Speaker 2:So I've gotten a little more witchy right, exploring the interior and Oracle Ducks. If you look behind me, there's, you know, my altar that I recently built this year, where I am, like you know, trying to you know honor, you know the elements, the earth, and connecting with my ancestors in a way that I've never explored and what's been mind blowing to me. The first time I built this altar and I did like daily meditation for three days straight. Unfortunately, I'm not that, I'm not always very good about doing it every day, but the first three days I felt like so much more grounded and it stayed with me longer, like the night. That and that completely caught me off guard. I did not expect that to happen. So I think there's something there and I'm just kind of paying attention to what's happening within me and and using that as a way to figure out how to get grounded and how to connect with my ancestors and how to connect with spirit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like that's such been such a huge part of my own evolution change. It's hard to kind of name and I know that, like when we do our sessions, I'm like I am a different perk, like I recognize this person in a way, but like I am a completely different person and it all has to do with how I feel about myself, how I feel about, like, the space that I take up in the world and actually feeling like, yeah, I deserve to take up space, I belong. You know, like these are things that I just never would have said out loud and I feel like there has been a sense in which my own kind of movement towards being more spiritual and being open to connecting with ancestors and connecting to the spirit in all these other ways that, like I do feel kind of more grounded. It feels like even the like I'm obviously people that listen to the show know I came out of evangelicalism, so you know this idea that God is in control and that everything is God ordained and all these things, and thinking about how unsettling that used to be and now that I have embraced mystery and uncertainty and the fact that, like, actually the spirit, the universe, is benevolent and kind and things do have kind of meaning to them. It's like so much less like tyranny, like and it's odd to think about. You know, when I used to think about God in this way of being like kind of overbearing and kind of, you know, puppet stringy, that it was very unsettling because I didn't feel like I had much agency and I didn't feel like I had much involvement in the process.
Speaker 1:But I think one of the things that has come out like in my time in our sessions has been like wow, like I'm a deeply spiritual person, like all of those things are still here, those things like you were saying, like someone in religion might be a spiritual person, but all religious people are not spiritual and realizing, oh my gosh, I get to keep all of these things that I loved about who I was and those parts are just growing and becoming more a part of the way I live and I move in the world.
Speaker 1:So I'm like super grateful to that and I would not have known that you started around, george Floyd, because it feels to me like really like ancient sage when we have our sessions. I'm like, bro, how do you know, like, how do you know? It's just, there's a way that you facilitate, because one of the things I wanted to make clear, too for folks is that somatic coaching and therapy are not the same thing, so this isn't like a therapy session. Can you talk about, like, the difference between somatic coaching and therapy? What's the main difference that you see there? Because you were very clear to make sure I understood that difference when we started. I really appreciated that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So I think again, I see everything as a Venn diagram. Right, there's some overlap.
Speaker 2:And I think coaching, you know, borrows a lot from therapy. But there's some clear differences that I make. One in therapy usually when you start with a therapist, there's like an intake session where they go over, sort of like, your family history, your background, your past, right. Coaching doesn't do any of that. Coaching focuses on the present, what's here now, whereas therapy tends to not all right Because there's so many different kinds of therapies and schools of thought and whatnot. But therapy tends to want to understand like the root causes, like where did you know things originate from? There's like a desire for explanation. It can.
Speaker 2:Therapy can also be very heady. I've noticed not all again, but you know my experience with it is that it can be very in our heads, whereas, you know, coaching, like I said, is about here and now. I also make this very clear distinction of like trauma work around, because I've done some studying around, like how trauma stored in the body, what's happening in our nervous systems, and so, as a coach, we all experienced trauma, we're all living in traumatic times. I mean, covid was a worldwide trauma that we still haven't healed from right. But there's the difference between trauma, what I call trauma with a big T right, which is like the traumas that lead to a formal mental health diagnosis of PTSD, those sorts of things, and then trauma with a little T, where there's like the everyday traumas of living as a person of color in this world and all the ways we have to disconnect from ourselves, all the ways we have to compromise ourselves in order to survive, and so that is a huge distinction that I make.
Speaker 2:You know, the work is healing, but it's not like focused on, like unpacking trauma and understanding those recalls, as in trying to do those things, all I'm trying to do in our sessions really is help you connect with yourself, help you connect with that spark of divine within yourself, and then I just sit back and want you to do the work, to be honest with you. You know, once I help you sort of untangle what's happening and you get grounded again, like honestly to me, so you're doing most of the work.
Speaker 2:I'm just listening and you know, honestly, I learned so much from you and then I get to heal a little in that process, just by serving as a witness.
Speaker 1:It's really been like, really, one of the things I think I could say definitively about this process of reconnecting with myself is that, like this evolution is cyclical, and that was one of the main things that came up. That I learned from you was that, hey, this is like you know, you might pass by certain points again and again, but if you pay attention to how you're feeling it in your body, how you're reacting to the situation, how you're thinking about the situation, that is not exactly the same right, and so you are kind of cycling back. You're cycling around and I kind of think about that now to where we'd be like, oh man, I thought I did this work and I was thinking of things like way more linear.
Speaker 1:Like I should start here and I should end there. But I'm finding about myself just I can't even I've been trying to name this, like with my spouse and things like that, but there is a sense in which I feel like I am integrating, like I think there have been a lot of ways in which I was my own enemy in a lot of ways, either because I didn't like a part of myself or a part of myself was not allowed in a space, and I feel like people who might be listening might be familiar with that, and so we had been working together. I don't know, maybe like nine months or something I start taking this class. Maybe it was a year, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I start taking this class and it's a leadership class and we read this book called no Bad Parts and I was like Emily, we started reading this book and class and then some of y'all internal family systems and I'm like that feels like what we were doing. You were like yeah, I'm telling you you can do it. So can you talk a little bit about that work and why is it so? I mean, it has been revolutionary for me to name these parts of my ego and learn to kind of like and y'all don't worry. Emily knows I said I was gonna put myself on the table here, but, like, learn about these parts of myself and invite all of them to a table and not be so quick to judge or shut these parts down, but listen and let them hold a space for me. Like, can you talk about that for people who might not know what that is and how it works?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and I think this is where the beauty of my business name, my invisible knapsack, has really evolved right Cause, in a people of color context, it's about those parts of ourselves that we've kind of like stuffed aside right, and then, like, the work of coaching them is like allowing those parts to come out, allowing them to say their piece right.
Speaker 2:So, to answer your question, so internal family systems is a therapy modality that's used by actually quite a lot of coaches, but the basic idea of it is that we have a whole inner community right Inside of every single one of us and each of those parts, well, there's two kinds of parts there's protectors and then there's exile. So the protectors are the ones that tend to pop up first right. For me, I have a very strong protector that's like a very critical, perfectionist type right, and a lot of times it can feel like we're at war with ourselves because we're judging, we don't like these parts of ourselves that exist, and so a lot of what I do in coaching is helping people embody those parts, give those parts space to speak their truth, take a more compassionate stance towards their parts.
Speaker 2:A key question I always ask is like, how's that part trying to help? What good intention does that part hold? And there's always a good intention, right? That may not seem immediately obvious, but if we allow those parts to speak, then we can be in communication, we can be in conversation with those parts. Then the relationship starts to shift.
Speaker 2:It's not about getting rid of them, right? It's about, like, changing the relationship to those parts, befriending those parts so that they don't have to hold those roles anymore, right, that they can show up differently for us, in ways that feel more liberating than oppressive. And so, and a lot of these parts come up to protect us from the world we live in, right, the systems of oppression that we have to deal with, and sometimes those get internalized and become our parts too. And so, yeah, with you, it's every time we learn about a part and then you bring them to the metaphorical table, right? Then the idea is to like, how do we get this inner community to become a team under the leadership of, like, your highest self, your spirit, whatever you choose to call it, rather than kind of like trying to fight each other and bicker like a dysfunctional family. Andi yeah.
Speaker 1:That's exactly right. I just I am just like incredibly grateful for you and for the way. So I think like the reason that I wanted to have you in particular to have you on the podcast, is because I think there's a way that you do it that really I don't know it, just the grounding, it and somatic and the idea that I was coaching. So originally what I didn't say was that I reached out to you because the book was coming out and I knew I had so much insecurity, like I don't know if I had finished it yet. But I just knew I'm about to put a book out soon and I know that I've got to travel and talk about it and talk about myself and be in front of people, and I know how I'm wired and like I don't want to ruin this for myself. And so it was like a preemptive thing that for me I was healed enough at that point to know I needed a somatic coach to like, hey, can you just help me get through this process without sabotaging it? Right, and I think about it now and thinking about having you in the folks that have started to listen to the podcast because of the book.
Speaker 1:It's important for me for them to know that there's a beautiful way that, like you, hold space for all of the spirituality I bring to the table, and then all of the sort of the weird ways that my parts and I are warring, and then just some of the just normal day to day like hey, like I had this kind of a thing happen, and I'm not sure if it's a big thing or a small thing.
Speaker 1:I'm just like what I'm trying to say is that the way that you do it, I feel like people need to come to you. Like I feel like people need to find you and sign up for coaching with you, not because coaching but in particular, emily Rowe, the way that you do it has been so. I just I'm not the same and I guess people like, when people go through this type of like healing and growth and change, it's kind of the most exciting to that person because I'm just like I know how I used to feel inside, I know what used to go on in my head, I know how I would show up into a space and that person is gone and it's not contrived and I'm not striving and I'm not faking it Like I'm different.
Speaker 1:So to be able to, like have a conversation and introduce my listeners to the person that really played a massive role in. That is just really important to me. Can you say a little bit more about the types of people, or like, how might a person know they're ready for this type of coaching? Like, how might a person know, yeah, this is probably what I need, more so than maybe going to a therapist Not that therapy is bad, but, like, what's the type of person that should choose into semantic coaching?
Speaker 2:I think there, well, the people who come to me first of all tend to want to be able to talk about oppression and how it's shown up in their lives and how it's impacted their lives. So there's that piece, right.
Speaker 2:And of course there are therapists out there who will absolutely support that as well, and I think you know they're looking for someone who's not going to diagnose them, right, because I'm not a mental health provider. Right, there's definitely mental health effects, but I'm not. You know, I can't do any formal diagnoses, I can't prescribe anything, I can't do referrals, something like that, and I think you know people who are, who are drawn to the philosophy I really try to embody. So let me put a little context to this. There's an art Tema Okun wrote this article years ago called White Supremacy Culture Really well known.
Speaker 2:So, first of all, like any familiarity with that, like people who know that are like you're probably in my like client circle, right? So she did a updated version, an updated website, and she added this new characteristic called fear, and in it she talks about how white supremacy culture uses fear to disconnect us from ourselves, disconnect us from each other, disconnect us from the earth, the plants and animals, other living creatures that inhabit the earth, and then from spirit, right? So when I read that, it was like mind blown, it's like okay. So it's all about reconnection, then, and that's the work I focus on, and coaching Like someone who is ready to, who really wants to reconnect with themselves, maybe understand themselves better, maybe understands that there are, like, like there are voices in their head, right, it feels like there are parts that are at war and they don't. It's causing problems in their life that aren't showing up the way they want to, in alignment with their values. Right, because I know we've all, I'm sure, met those people, the social justice warriors that are just in a lot of pain and then just lashing that pain out and people around them, even though they don't want to, right.
Speaker 2:But you know, so I really drawn to those people who want to fully embody, you know, the values and the world they want to live in and I just want to support that and so, yeah, that's, that's that re-sense of reconnection. That's my whole philosophy, as I do as an individual coach, as a team coach, and then I'm also exploring a. I'm working with a collaborator to create a space specifically for DEI practitioners of color, more calling it the DEI public, right, and that's all about just being right, not doing, not about outcomes or, you know, overall lives or KPIs, but really just like how can we just be together and then just collectively exhale and what does that allow. What does that create for us?
Speaker 1:in doing that. Yo, I'm trying to tell y'all we, we see, we got. I want to put the, the email I mean not the email the website and all of this in the show notes and I'm actually going to go out on the limb and say the first person that DMs me, I will pay for one session because I think that yeah, like I think it's that important for me to like have someone experience what, what you offer and I know that's a wild thing, I ain't even talking about my spells, I'm scared to look over there I do get.
Speaker 1:I get my $50 of fun money and, most of all, I will give somebody my fun money to do a session with with Emily, because it is that important to me that, like I am, so the way that I feel as I'm navigating the world right now, I just feel whole.
Speaker 1:Like I feel whole and I feel strong and I feel confident and I feel like I'm getting to live my life and I just would love for folks who are angry about the same things as me, who are burdened by the same things as me, for those folks to have that sense of wholeness as we navigate, like this work. I am incredibly, incredibly grateful for you and like I'm not going away because you know this is a cycle, you know these are cycles, so don't nobody try to take my spot on the on your calendar, but I really, I really do appreciate that we, we land as we sort of land. We always ask each guest kind of what are some things that you're bringing with you from the rubble if there was anything worth keeping. Or you could use this to say, like something that's really been standing out to you about kind of going back towards Buddhism. And then I ask, like what are you binging so like, is there a TV show or some type of music or something that you're into?
Speaker 2:And then, yeah, go ahead. Yeah, can I backtrack it just a little bit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing I want to just name is that there are certain things that show up in coaching over and over that I see people struggle with, and it's not like it's not what. They come to me saying, right, they come to me saying I'm having XYZ problem and this, this and that, but when we drill down, the things that show up over and over, are people struggling with a sense of worthiness, with a sense of belonging and with a sense of safety, and all those are because of the systems of oppression that are impacting us. Right?
Speaker 2:I just want to say to all the listeners out there you are having a perfectly rational and legitimate reaction to their oppressive courses impacting your life. There's nothing wrong with you, right, you're already whole and my job, my work, is really about helping you step further into your wholeness. Right, to me, it's like the work we've done together. I have now fixed you air quotes here, right, right, right, because all I've helped you do is reconnect with yourself and your power. Your healing has happened through that reconnection and it wasn't. I wasn't telling you what to do, right, I was just helping and holding space for you to really maybe face some of those parts yourself that were too hard to face alone, right.
Speaker 2:That are too scary to face alone, but all the wisdom came from you.
Speaker 1:It's so true, because the way that you'll name like one time I remember in particular, I came in and I thought I don't even remember what it was, but in the session you were like actually can I just name that? Like you did what you thought you were going to do. Like it's been a month and you haven't named that. Like you did that thing that you thought you were going to do. And that's something I really appreciate from you is that the way that you mirror back to me the ways that I have changed and like sometimes people just need that too, somebody to look at them and go, no, no, no, wait, like get yourself a break. Like look, look, look at, look at what you've done. Like I really, really appreciate that. So thanks for naming that. Like I, yeah, I'm just grateful for you, but yeah, I'm grateful for you too, to me.
Speaker 2:Like honestly, like I learned so much from my clients, Like I think there are some clients that like I've had a couple of sessions with and it's like their entire lives go 180. Just from like they take what they learn and they run with it. You know, and I think you've been one of those clients where I, for sure you know, just helped guide you and you've really done the work to run with it, and so like that's like awe inspiring to me. I find it terribly ironic that, as a somatic coach, my go to is disconnection, right. So like it's really hard for me sometimes to like always. Sometimes it's really hard for me to recognize what's happening within myself or to even recognize that I'm like in disconnection or numbness.
Speaker 2:So like when, I see people like you and some of my other clients who are just like so easily just are able to tap into what's happening inside. It's like my boy to me, because that does not come naturally to me at all. So there's this like really interesting irony right that, like you know, I'm really good at holding space For other people, yeah, but you know doing that work for myself right is constant practice and you know there's so many.
Speaker 2:And I want to also say there's no one way right. Like my method is just one method to help you come into your body. But like I work with someone, or I've worked with someone who was a restorative movement teacher and she helped me get connected with my body through like physical movement, through a very gentle physical movement, and that's also right.
Speaker 2:when I am tuning into that, like you know, thoughts and images, will you know, come up for me and then I, you know, make some space to sit with that, so it doesn't always have to be through words, through coaching, Like there's like so many ways to approach it.
Speaker 2:But the whole idea is like just just reconnect with what's happening in our bodies, right, because the world wants us to just stay at our head. Right, the world teaches us to literally dominate our bodies with our mind. Like that everything's supposed to like, that prefrontal cortex is supposed to be the command center and that's supposed to just like override everything else. And it's like no, there's like all this wisdom that happens below, right, and the science is starting to catch up with what you know many ancestors, indigenous cultures around the world have already known, and you know, the tapping into the body as a source of wisdom and emotions as a source of wisdom. Right is just, you know, stepping further into our wholeness, into our humanity. Right, because none of us are just a head, none of us are just a brain. We exist, we live through our bodies and through our feelings as well.
Speaker 1:So, hmm, Hmm, oh, that's Shay, shhh. Okay, so the last three questions we ask every guest is what are you bringing from the rubble? Was there anything worth keeping from the ways that you did spirituality? The other one is like what are you binging? So are you watching or listening, or anything like that? And then what are some words to live by, so? In any order, what are you bringing, what are you binging and what are some words to live by?
Speaker 2:OK, I'll start with the easy one. So I am currently binging the Great British Sewing Bee. I recently got into sewing. I'm super crafty. I love like working with my hands. I'm dabbled in almost every art form I can have access to, but like sewing has really been my thing lately. So as I sew, I listen, slash, watch the Great British Sewing Bee and it's really exciting because I'm like oh, I know what that means.
Speaker 1:Oh, I understand why that's so hard.
Speaker 2:I'm still very much a beginner, but you know I've made a couple pieces of clothing for my daughter. It's very exciting to me.
Speaker 1:Um.
Speaker 2:I like to joke with my friends that I'm in a homesteading midlife crisis because I do things like make jam and, you know, make clothes. So you know one day. I'll be able to go buy a plot of land out in the boonies and go like, live my life off the land. I don't know. And OK, so what am I? What am I bringing from the rubble? Is that what it was? And the rubble meaning like spirituality?
Speaker 1:or religion. Yeah, yeah, was there anything worth keeping from the ways you did spirituality before?
Speaker 2:You know, I will say the thing I miss most about the church is the sense of community, and I think there's something around again, it goes back to that disconnection from each other, and that community is like like I see my parents now, I'm like the way that they show up for each other, and the church is like like we need that, more of that in the world. And you know it's so hard. We live in a culture that has gotten just more and more toxic and focused on individuality and greed. Like you know, actually, I was thinking about this the other day. Now that our culture, our country, is so much less religious, it feels like we've just replaced religion and spirituality with materialism and wealth and that's what this country worships now, and like that's not great Right? So no, absolutely not. And it's destroying our world quite literally. And so, yeah, I think there's. You know, that that sense of community, that sense of belonging, I felt is something I definitely miss and have been searching for since. And then the last question was the last question.
Speaker 1:The last question is what are some words we can live by?
Speaker 2:Oh, words we can live by. Hmm, I'm going to grab this and my last job. I got this as a gift. I was on the CI working community and they had these little framed quotes and this one says you want to fly? You got to give up the shit that weighs you down. Tony Morrison.
Speaker 1:Ah shit, thank you so. So so much, emily. Is there anything else you want to share before we go?
Speaker 2:Hmm, Now just profound sense of gratitude. I'm so glad that our paths have crossed, that you decided to work with me. I really have just enjoyed our relationship and it's it's honestly inspiring to witness and just serve as a guide for your growth. And like I'm so excited to see where you go Right, Like I already feel like within a short year in some change, like the transformation has been truly incredible and so I'm just really excited to see what happens moving forward, because I really truly believe that there's just more to come.
Speaker 1:I say I'll take it. I'll take it. Thank you so much. Thank you for listening. To pick your money in your heart is donate to sub quatcher Inc and clear the path for black students today.